A Sign I Should Have Gone Shopping Earlier

This is where the bottled water is supposed to be in my local super market in Virginia. Oh well. At least I stacked up on diet coke.

Wednesday Rant #2: They’re Everywhere!

I got a speeding ticket in the mail compliments of Washington D.C.’s traffic cameras. $125 for going 10 miles over the speed limit. Seriously? Seriously!?! One more time with feeling: SERIOUSLY??? I think the expression “highway robbery” is applicable here.

Apparently, the traffic cameras in D.C. are populating like the plague, including 27 new cameras in the past month. Where are they? Everywhere! You can buy a GPS that beeps as you approach a camera, or if you’re cheap (and you live in the D.C. area), you can check out this handy interactive map.

 

WEDNESDAY RANT #1: MANKIND HAS FAILED MY NOSE

We humans have accomplished a lot over the centuries.

Sure, we haven’t created flying cars a la the Jetsons (yet), but we have created a magical phone that allows you to video chat with somebody on the other side of the world. The same magical phone streams music, accesses the internet even during the most boring of meetings, takes pictures and videos, sends emails and fits in your pocket.

We’ve sent a man to the moon.

Floppy disks that barely held your fourth grade report on reptiles have been replaced by tiny thumb drives that store your entire life.

Doctors can transplant a piece of healthy liver from one person into another, and both pieces regenerate and grow into healthy, functioning livers.

Carbon fiber prostheses allow amputees to race competitively with their able-bodied counterparts.

And a 70-year-old woman in India even managed to squeeze a baby out of her shriveled uterus (true story).

So why, in the name of all that is sacred and holy in this world, have we failed to find a cure for the cursed common cold that is ruining my life?

And yes, in case you were wondering, I have tried the many colored, money-sucking pills that are graced with their own aisle in the grocery store. Thanks to my crappy immune system, I’ve had ample opportunity to work my way through the whole aisle. And the result is always the same: I am eight bucks poorer and I still can’t breath.

Sigh. I miss breathing.

This is my sick face.

GO ME. MY BLOG RANKS 17,887,796TH IN THE WORLD.

At least according to Alexa.com. On the bright side, that’s better than 17,887,797th.

Moral of the story: TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO READ MY BLOG! Or enemies. I’m not picky. I’ll take anyone.

C’mon, how can you resist this face?

Please read my blog….

 

Perpetual Search For Awesomeness (PSFA)

In my perpetual search for awesomeness, officially dubbed PSFA, I feel an irrepressible compulsion (grammar gods, is that a redundancy?) to share awesome stuff I find, and by awesome I mean you just know in your gut of guts that it’s awesome, the same way Justice Potter Stewart famously said “I know it when I see it” (except he was talking about pornography which is the opposite of awesomeness).

From the San-Antonio Express: A helicopter lands on a stack of mattresses with half of its landing gear missing:

BAD NEWS/GOOD NEWS

Bad News: I just spilled Diet Coke all over myself.

Good News: Uh…There is no upside to this one.

IT’S NEVER A GOOD SIGN WHEN YOUR B-DAY STARTS AT THE MECHANIC…

… But I think it is starting to turn around.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Besides for the fact that my friends seem to want to make me fat, I am one lucky girl.

HAPPY B-DAY TO ME (ALMOST)

A word about my friend Lisa: Awesome

Now some more words.

Lisa is the kind of person who never fails to send me a birthday card no matter where I happen to be living, and there have been a number of addresses for her to keep straight. It is all the more impressive that she manages to match the particular card to my particular circumstances. This is the card I found in my mailbox tonight:

Here are some gems from previous years:

NOW I GET IT

Donuts make everything in life easier to understand. This handy/hysterical whiteboard is compliments of Media Bistro, compliments of Doug Ray. Now I’m hungry.

SO YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING A BAD DAY…

Trust me, it could be worse. Saw this on the way to work this morning: